Sunday, January 30, 2011

Yarage Sale

We emptied our bookcases, our CD shelves and our closets, and had ourselves a good old fashioned Purging yesterday, and you know what I found out, that all of you already knew? People will buy weird crap, and they will act weird, doing it.

I tweeted my weekend, but for those of you who don't follow me there, to sum up, pretty much it was the most boring 5 hours of my life, and I made $90. A lady from our HOA stopped by to tell me that my signs were all wrong, and she hates them, and then she saw my ugly brass chandelier and was like, "You could spray paint that...." and I was like, "I totally would, but I have a toddler, and I don't have spray paint, and I'm lazy." So she was like, "How much do you want for it?"


"No, that's too low."

"Two is enough. I can't do anything with it."

"You can't charge $2."

So she paid me four dollars, and the Yard Sale Gods got confused, and angry, and made me sacrifice a stuffed animal lamb as penance for disrupting the natural order of these things. But I got an "extra" two dollars, and I didn't spend $2 on paint, and that ugly thing is out of my life, and HOA Lady stopped talking about signs, so it was worth it.

Then this other guy comes up buy some LPs and he sees Eric's phonograph and speakers, and he's like, "This is such a worthless piece of crap." And I'm like, "Duh, that's why it's in a garage sale." And then he comes back and buys it the next morning for his girlfriend's birthday present. I like to imagine that it consumed his dreams last night, and he woke up in a cold sweat, knowing he'd never sleep again if he didn't have it.

I sold some stuff I wish I hadn't sold, like Lennon's doll stroller/crib/highchair set, and Harrison's ride-on Train, and that adorable Dumbo costume she wore in a picture once, but that was too hot for an Arizona Halloween. but I don't think I'll really regret those decisions in the long run. I no longer have to think about this stuff taking up closet space, and if I really hate myself later, I am pretty sure stores where I can purchase stuff still exist.

Another thing about having a garage sale: I really like making someone's day. This one guy filled a bag of baby clothes for his daughter, who walked off with some "click-clicks" (we try not to call them Stripper Shoes in front of the kids). Eric noticed her taking them without paying, and asked me about it, and I just decided they looked cute on her, and she could have them. Besides, who am I to stand in the way of some kid's future as a Stripper Thief?

A lady came up and bought our IKEA shelves for $3, even though the sign said $5, and she told her daughter as they got in the car, "That's how you get the price you want." And so I had a small hand in creating a new Yard Sale Monster. FUN! That was the only lady, fortunately, who I wish I had told that her purchase was haunted.

A kid got a broken train set for a quarter. It probably made him cry, but I swear I warned the mom it didn't work, so I don't feel bad about it. He probably learned something about the real value of a quarter (worth more than broken train crap.)

The best part of my day, however, was being able to decide when I was done with it. And yes, I've gotten closure on a few things. I can take my Santa door hanger, that pile of stuffed animals, and my greek plays to the thrift store with peace of mind that people won't even let me pay them to take it, no matter how many times I call it a 'Door Prize' or a 'Free Gift With Purchase, Just Like At Ulta.' Peoples is particular about their junk, and I'm good with that.


witticism here said...

I really need to have a garage sale, but I hate people at them. Seriously, if I am selling something for a dollar and you try to get me for a just pisses me off.

Becky said...

This is too funny! Love your sense of humor. Agree with the above comment the bargaining drives me crazy.

Renee said...

Oh my gosh, the bargainers!! They were insane. Some guy grabbed a handful of stuff and was like, "How much?" And I swear I had flashbacks of that scene in Toy Story where the guy steals Woody. So, so shady. I told him $20, just to be dumb, and he scowled and did a one by one purchase that amounted to about $3. If you can have fun with them, it makes it easier.