Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I Don't Care THIS Much For Money

Want to get really depressed? Come along with me as I search Craigslist for a little bit of spending cash:

Auditions for females ages ( 21-29)

Date: 2011-01-21, 9:44PM MST

A local talent agency is looking for females with a "Baywatch" look and between the ages of 21-29 to audition for supporting roles in a movie. You MUST have an athletic body, be "busty". You also cannot be signed with another agency and MUST have a current headshot. The movie is not local. It will be shot in Las Vegas. Should you be chosen for a role, travel expenses will be covered. First round of auditions will be held Sunday from 9am to 1pm and Monday from 9 am to 4pm. If you meet this criteria please call ********Talent and Models @ 602-***-**** to schedule your audition. Headshots may be submitted online at *************** Please include contact info and tell us a little about yourself. When meeting in person you MUST bring the headshot with you.

Not a bad job if you can get it. My favorite part of this post, however, is just how many different ways they try to weed out the Undesirables. Can't just say "busty" because then you get the fatties, and you can't just say "athletic" because then you're stuck with a bunch of softball players. "Baywatch look" might be enough, you would THINK, but you'd be shocked at how many women look like David Hasselhoff.

Pregnant? Hiding it? Afraid to Tell? Share Your Story

Date: 2011-01-25, 9:36AM MST

IS YOUR DUE DATE BEFORE JULY 1ST? ******** Productions is producing a documentary series that focuses on what it's like to be pregnant and unable to share the news with friends, family or work. Whatever your reason, we want to know why you are making this choice and how you plan to let the people in your life know.

If you are chosen to participate, your story will air on a national cable television network. Your story could help other women in similar situations.

You must be a pregnant woman between the ages of 18 and 36. Your due date must be before July 1st. If you wish to be considered, please email us:
• your due date
• your name
• age
• location
• phone number
• photo
• brief summary of why you are hiding your pregnancy and from whom

All submissions are confidential and will be considered through January 31, 2011.

To learn more about our company, please visit www.**********.tv

*Those chosen to participate in this documentary will be paid $3,000. Additional services will also be offered.

I'm not even going to pretend that I don't wish I could get $3,000 for being a genuine train wreck. If only I were pregnant... But I guess I could settle for the alternative...

Do you treat your Doll like a real baby? (Nation Wide)

Do you treat your doll as if it were a REAL baby?

Do you push your doll(s) around in strollers, strap the doll(s) in a car seat
and treat the doll as if it were part of your family?

Are your friends and family starting to worry about you?

Are they sick of your carrying around your doll(s) everywhere you go?

If this sounds like you or someone you a new reality series for a major
network is interested in hearing the story.

Please know that all participants chosen are given compensation for their time
but they must be open to seeing a professional and have friends and family willing
to participate!

For consideration, please respond to this ad by e-mailing your name, age, current city you live in, contact information, recent photo and brief summary on your strange addiction to your doll(s).

We look forward to hearing from you soon!


By now I bet you guys think I'm making these up. I assure you, it's very, very real. As real as the baby I'm pushing around in this real yellow plastic shopping cart. After Real Baby and I are done buying real tiny bottles of tomato catsup and real brown chicken-leg-shaped-things-that-Lennon-always-mistakes-for-bread, we're going to mow our lawn with the power of bubbles, and then play with real light sabers that really do chop off our arm(s).

Bonus Craigslist Find: Holy crap, I hope this link is active for a long, long time. I love you Craigslist.


Hope is a Thing With Feathers said...

Lies. Suspicion. Fraud. Superstition.

Anonymous said...

I'm totally moving our Phoenix trip up to Feb. 6. I hope my fangs can grow out by then!

Sheri_Beri said...

I haven't been on here in a while and look what I missed!!! Are you going to be in Draugierre? lol

jessica said...

I hope it's on Lifetime.

teamBoo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
teamBoo said...

What if my "bustiness" is due to lactation? What if my athleticism is only in my legs? My hair is long enough that we could just have the wind blow it over my mediocre face as I jog down the las Vegas strip in my jeggings... WAIT! headshots aren't current. Damn! I guess they did think of everything.