Turns out, when you don't have Tivo, you actually end up watching more TV, because you're obsessed with not missing the TV that Tivo catches for you. So instead of checking my local listings (HOWDOYOUDOTHAT???) and planning TV time accordingly, I now fully understand why I watched as much Andy Griffith Show and Ricki Lake as I did when I was a kid.
As a result of the constant TV-watching I've been doing, I now know all about the Real Housewives of various counties/cities/states. I think I've decided on a favorite (beside New Jersey, DUH), and I'm going with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, because I got to hear a conversation between a man and wife that went something like this:
Husband: How about this? For every $1,000 you spend, I get a free hour of golf.
Wife who was on Little House on the Prairie, But Only After It Started To Suck: Tee hee hee. You should go golfing all day today! Oh, and Renee V. of MommyBlogYAY, you have ramen on your chin, and I truly pity your existence.
I swear, she totally said it like that, too. Like I was some kind of Atlanta Housewife! The nerve!
I love watching the Bonkersness of the Rich and Sorta-Famous, though. It's so fun to get wrapped up in it. Eric called me during the middle of a marathon, to ask me for our credit card information so he could pay for a community college class, and to make sure we had enough on our available balance not already being used to pay for antibiotics, new eyeglasses, and car repairs, and I was like, "Don't even worry about it! I'll just fire one of our four nannies! Tee hee. Golfing, later today?" And then I got off the phone, got back to my favorite corner of the tattered slip-covered couch to recommence the fantasy that I was at least eating Caviar-flavored ramen. (Which, I know, caviar is so 80's... like limos and french poodles, but in my dreams, I'm Hipster Rich, so irony is just part of the fun,)
Eventually, I turn off the TV though, and I'm cool with that too. My pool is not shaped like a wine glass, and I am not kiss-kiss friends with Richard Branson, but I'm really happy, and I've got something those ladies will never have: A forehead that moves.
Okay, officially turning off the TV for good, at least for the rest of the weekend. Expecting reality to sink in any minute now, and honestly, I can't wait.