On this episode of Tinies and Trophies:
"Galaxy Star Beauty Pageant is the ultimate in Star Beauty Pageants in this Galaxy. In this WORLD, even. We have contestants from all over the Great State of Southern U.S.A. and they are ALL In It To Win IT."
"And by IT, I mean 1/8 of their admission fees, not taking into account the cost of what it takes to win anything at all. I don't feel the need to justify any of this to you."
"We have so many great contestants this year. Grandy Sheraton, our former Miss Galaxy Star is returning, and we just got word we will also have Winnie Westin, who is BIG in these parts of the pageantry circuit. And by BIG, I mean to say nothing about her weight. Winnie is returning from hospitalization for undisclosed purposes..."
"Winnie just turned 6, and we are very excited to return to the Pageant World. I tried to get her into the 4 and under category, which she has previously always won, because she is the size of an infant, but the judges remarkably frowned upon our weight loss tactics and we were disqualified for the past two years. But we're in it to WIN this time, aren't we baby? ..... She says yes, don't you? Yes."
"This is June's first year in pageants. She's momma's chance to recapture youth, and she's going to WIN. I also signed up my red-headed stepchild, what's-his-name. He's there to up my chances of having a nervous breakdown, giving June an edge with the Pity Vote."
"I don't like pageants, but it gives me a chance to dance, and they make momma happy. And I don't care about winning, just so long as everyone has fun"
"June is a little sweetheart, bless her, but she doesn't stand a chance. We don't give trophies for Fun Having."
Judges, Galaxy Star Beauty Pageant
"We don't give trophies for Fun Having."
Destiny Hilton, Mom to Carey
"Carey just loves pageants. He's been doing pageants since he was just 2 days old. I always thought I need a girl, but I was wrong. Carey is all the girl I need."
Carey: "I hate my mom, but that's okay because one day I will take it out on everyone else."
"This is Carey's talent costume. It cost $40,000. He wears this and sings 'On The Good Ship Lollipop' which makes the judges just want to eat him up."
"We want to eat him up."
"And this is Carey's Outfit of Choice. I can't tell you how much it cost because my husband doesn't know yet. But how do you put a price on Precious?"
"We tried to have her nails done, but they broke off."
"Today is the big day, and we just love The Big Day because that is the Day of Winning. And these beauties are In It To Win It. Did I already use that line? Well, these kids are In The House. And They Are Rockin' It. The House. These kids are Rockin' the House."
"My little girl has just gotta win. It's like, C'mon now. With my genes? How could she not? Oh my stepson? I think he's around here somewhere. I lost track of him when we checked in."
"And this is Bellany Marriot, she is just the cutest darn thing, and she says that one day she will Rule The World. Her favorite food is chicken nuggets and oreos."
"Here we have Regency Hyatt coming on stage. She is just a barrel of laughs. Her aspirations are to become a Mommy AND first woman president, and her favorite food is spaghetti-o's and candy."
"And the winner of Galaxy Star Beauty is Leo!"
"I always knew he was a winner."
"I will destroy you all."
"I think I'm in the wrong show."