Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Well that was dumb

I just ate a banana, and now I can't feel my tongue.

I'm probably allergic to bananas. In true nerd fashion, I'm allergic to almost every fruit. Unless fruit is supposed to make your mouth feel like a volcano that even pure white virgins can't quench. In which case, Hey! I'm just like everyone else!! The really dumb thing is that I love fruit, despite myself. I think some fruits taste even better than chocolate. And then you pair them with chocolate and it's like DAMN! That's a good fruit.

So every so often I eat fruit, even though I know my throat will close up and I'll probably die from it. Once, i ate some strawberries and lost my voice for two days. I had to go to the doctor, and he smirked and said, "I guess I'll have to give you a shot" and then he seemed really surprised when I wrote, "Okay" on a piece of paper. Stupid doctor still probably just gave me a placebo, because I didn't even get my voice back until the next morning. (...thinks he's so smart...)

I still try my luck and eat a strawberry every so often, partly to see if I can handle it, and mostly because I just can't stay away, fleshy, red temptresses that they are (like the Disney version of Pocahontas, and I'm John Smith). (Was that racist? Sorry if that was racist. It isn't meant to be).

Today, I woke up to discover a canker sore on my tongue. I also woke up to discover a bunch of big, beautiful, buttery-yellow bananas lounging seductively atop the countertop fruit basket. And me, with my herpes-tongue, unable to do anything about it. I resisted all day long.

But, as you already know, I went ahead and gave in anyway. And, as you also know, now I can't feel my tongue.

If you and I were real friends, and you came over for a late-night chat session, I'd be telling you this story, sounding an awful lot like Cindy Brady. Sthupid Renee and her sthupid lack of common thenth.

And do you want to know the really dumb thing about it all? I'll probably do it again. And if I get the feeling back soon, it might even be tonight.


Renee said...

Alternate Titles for Post:

I Slipped Up

Fruit is just too aPEELing


any more?

Katy said...

BaNoNo's is my vote. Just make sure you can breathe when you eat all that fruit. Don't go and die or anything wacky like that ok?

diane said...

BaNoNo's works for me, since I think the are BaNasty. I only like bananas in my smoothies. Or banana cream pies. Same thing with strawberries. Be grateful chocolate is still on your side.

witticism here said...

I am conflicted about fruit. I hate it in my water or pies, but I love it all by itself. If I were in your place I would still risk it.