I just finished watching The Family Holiday. It's called The Family Holiday because the last name is Holiday. So, you know, there you go. Bad writing at it's finest.
This one has Dave Coulier in it, but you probably know him as Uncle Joey from Full House, or maybe you know him as the guy Alanis Morrissette writes angsty breakup songs about. I just know him as Comedy Incarnate.
Okay, so the premise of this one is that a con artist (Coulier) has to prove he has a family so that can get an inheritance. To do so, he takes in a couple of runaway twins who are in danger of being separated by Family Services, and then he rents a home and hires a pretty, but lonely, nanny who he doesn't tell is supposed to be posing as his wife. Obviously, he starts to love the kids, and he falls for the nanny, and then the nanny finds out about the scheme and leaves, but then the kids are in danger so she comes back, and then they all start being honest and live happily ever after. Classic knit, unravel, knit storyline that attracts so many Christmas movie writers. He doesn't get the money, which threw me for a loop, but they do play with puppies in the last scene, so I think that evens everything out, don't you?
I've come to a conclusion. I am an idiot. You're an idiot, too. We are all idiots, because we are not spending our time writing Christmas movies for a quick buck. Oh, don't worry about being able to sell the script. As long as you say something about Santa or "The True Meaning" and if you somehow construct a family where there was none before, you are going to get paid. Bonus, if you can get Uncle Joey to star in it.
My favorite part about The Family Holiday was when Coulier started doing bad impressions that I've seen him try out on Full House. I was like, "If this guy doesn't do a woodchuck or Popeye impression by Act 2, I'll eat my hat." I don't wear a hat, so I was okay when he didn't pull those out, but I'll be damned if he didn't try to work Bullwinkle into the script at least twice before they told him to "Cut It Out."