Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Christmas is going to the Dogs

It is December 3rd, and I STILL don't feel like I'm in any sort of holiday spirit. There's garland on the stairs, a candle thing on the coffee table, and those weird lighted deer all over the neighbors' lawns, and I just feel like saying, "Bah Bullcrap" (because I think "bullcrap" might be the modern equivalent to humbug, and I'm a modern gal). I honestly tried to feel Christmassy these last few days, and then I hear about shopping catastrophes, or economic turmoil, or drought or famine or fire, etc. It's all too much, and it's really hard to think about gift-giving and caroling and HO HO HO.

So, last night, at about 2am, I made a decision to start doing acts of service, in an attempt to get out from underneath my ego or whatever, and maybe get a feeling for the true spirit of Christmas. By 2:30, I realized that I was going to have to come up with stuff to do from home, because finding someone to drive me AND watch my kids throws the whole service thing off balance. I think I'd actually be reversing the Christmas Spirit.

Option A is to be here to watch YOUR kids while YOU go do acts of service. I'm leaving that open, but it's sort of rude to just volunteer you, and hope it improves my mood. So I've come up with an Option B.

I'm home a lot. I have insomnia. You're not home a lot. You probably get a good night's rest. My situation is just about IDEAL for watching large blocks of television, while you, you might not even get to catch the Charlie Brown Christmas this year, you're so busy.

Therefore, I will be TIVOing and watching every single holiday movie that comes on between now and Christmas Eve, and you, as a loyal reader, will receive all the snarky goodness that comes with me, watching crap. You get the "feel" of watching holiday movies, without wasting all that time on them, and I kill two birds with one stone, immersing myself in the holidays, AND providing you with this service of wasting your time for you. Plus, it gives me something to blog about.

I think it's just about perfect. The fun starts tonight. And by fun, I mean orphans getting adopted by greedy business owners who just got a second chance after their one true love dies on Christmas Eve on the way to Grandma's house to see a wedding in their hometown between a shopping mall mannequin and a recently widowed father with a chip on his shoulder who needed an angel in the guise of a country music star to show him the way to Santa's wayward elf, who needs help getting through the blizzard to find and forgive for his father who was never home because he was too busy manufacturing toys that distract from the true meaning of the holidays: Snowmen. Whew. Like I said, FUN.


Katy said...

Awesome! This is just awesome! Let's see. I've seen Miracle on 34 st. once and could barely get through it. Why don't you watch it for me and give me the rundown, so that way next time I say that I've seen it, I can actually recount some "great part" and feel like a good member of Christmas socity. Frankly, the "every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings", is running out of steam. Or wait, was that "It's a wonderful life" whatever.

Katy said...

We're having a little get together while we're down in AZ. The day, after x-mas around 4:00. It's just a come and go as you please thing. You should come. Keiko and Erin will be there too. I'll send you the evite... don't have your email.

diane said...

We should seriously have a Christmas Movie Crap-A-Thon at Heather's. I'm so down with that. And what would make it even better is if we did it on a school night.

mrsmouthy said...

Wow, Renee. I was expecting your Plan B to be something BIG and you did not disappoint!

I'm a mess because we spent $1,200 the first week of November due to 2 car windows, my kid's gym bill, and a forgotten victoria's Secret bill. I stopped all extra spending and we ended the month $200 under our usual budget. I freaked out because the economy NEEDS that $200, but I still couldn't bring myself to spend it! So I gave it away and now all is in balance again.

Renee said...

Katy, I'm in like Flynn for the get-together. As long as I don't have anxiety that day, that is.

Diane, movie crap-a-thons make me so happy. Let's do it!!!! As long as I don't have anxiety that day, that is.

Rachel, I would have spent that $200 on DVDs. No wonder I'm never in a good mood.