We all know about how funny it can be to blog about gross Sexy Halloween Costumes (still trying to forget about Sexy Border Patrol Worker). But it's been done. Too much. This year, I think it's high time we all laugh about the names of Non-Trademarked Costumes. Note, these are all real, and if you want to buy one, by all means, click the link. Just don't think you can get away with calling yourself Spiderman, when you are CLEARLY "ArachnaBoy":
"Little Orphan Singing Girl" B-
Kudos for coming up with a name that would still pop up in a google search. And she DOES sing, so it's not totally ridiculous. Besides that, it's a quality duplicate of the original. I can look past the copyright infringement when I see that adorable peter-pan collar. Fine, I am biased because I'm imagining my girl in a cute red wig. Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: "Sunny Outlook Red-Head" Costume, "1930's-Smart-Ass Democrat" Costume, "Broadway-Kid-With-Pushy-Mom" Costume
Italian Plumber 80's Costume D-
Now, given, I didn't see a lot of Italian plumbers in the 80's (we grew up with Mexican plumbers), so I couldn't possibly know how accurate this is, but I need to give this one a low score on fit alone. Don't you people watch Project Runway? It's all in the tailoring! Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: "Mustache Guy" Costume, "Testerone-Filled Toddler" Costume, "I-Have-A-Friend-Who-Looks-Better-In-Green" Costume
"Billy The Cowboy" Costume D+
BOOOOOOO. If you can't handle a semi-phallic name, then you can't really call yourself a cowboy, can you? Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: "Dick The Cowboy" Costume, "Johnson The Cowboy" Costume, "Wee-Wee the Cowboy" Costume.... heck, I would have even accepted "Willy"
English Nanny Child B
I hate that I went looking for a costume for my kid who wanted to be The Supernanny, and all I could find was this Mary Poppins B.S. Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: "Practically Perfect (Except Not-Quite-As)" Costume, "Shary Bobbins" Costume
No Place Like Home Costume D
I actually saw a few other Dorothy costumes under generic names ("Kansas Cutie" and "Gingham Girl") but this one was just asking for litigation. That song has to be trademarked, right? Also, I picked this one because the other ones were for sorority girls who like to attract closet gays, and I didn't want their skinny butts on my blog. Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: "Farm Girl With Unlikely Friends" Costume, "MK Ultra Sweetie" Costume
Rainbow Baby A+
I don't get how these low budget costume makers figured out what Lady Gaga was going to wear to next year's VMA's, but I can't deny, it's spot on. Paws Up, cute kid. (*pre-emptive groan for when I read this is 2013 and realize I made a Lady Gaga joke on my blog*) Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: None. This kid is too cute for snark.
Dora the Explorer Costume A-
Let's call this what it is. My tia on an airplane headed for San Diego. The only thing she's missing are the chanclas. Alternative Non-Trademarked Names: White people call them "aunts" Either way, it's your mom's sister that laughs too hard and has trouble reading maps.
And because you stuck around this long, I leave you with:
Rock A Bye Baby Costume Eff
I am absolutely having bad dreams tonight. Thank you, generic costume maker. Thank you very much.