Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cane

I took my first walk with a cane. I made some mistakes. Let's discuss.

First, I did it when I was pressed for time. I had to pick Lennon up from school, when I was running a couple of minutes late. Not terribly late. Just not with a lot of extra time.

Also, I had Harrison with me. My thought was, "Well, I'm going to need to take him with me every other time. I might as well make this something we get used to." I managed to hold his hand most of the trip. For some of the way, he walked quietly beside me. And for some of the way he kept wanting to run straight into the street, and kicked and screamed when I made him stay on the sidewalk. Grace is not going to be one of our strong points.

When I got closer to school, I started to feel self-conscious. People saw me only a week ago, NOT using a cane. This was going to be weird for them. Yes, I was concerned for the emotional state of the people who saw me. "My god, how terrible, I wonder what happened?" "How is she going to know where to turn? Should I honk? I should honk." "Her poor kids."

The reality is, they probably didn't think twice about it. But they'll probably think three times if they see me today, pushing a stroller, sans cane. I'm a little too concerned about this.

I got to the school pickup location and Lennon's friend asked her why I had the big stick. Lennon shrugged her shoulders and said "It's her stick" like that's something moms just have. Where's your mom's stick? Doesn't have one? Lame.

We made it home in one piece, but by the last 100 steps, Harrison was holding the cane now (HUGE mistake), and Lennon was having a meltdown about bringing the wrong backpack to school. Also, our neighbor went out of his way to cross the street so he wouldn't have to pass us. It made me feel weird that I made him feel weird.

I cried when we got home. Then I put Harrison in a time out for hitting Lennon with the cane. Then I heard Eric come home, and I just wanted him to hold me.

It's been a tough week, emotionally. I'm considering investing in an invisibility cloak.

(P.S. DEAR BECKY, Kids + Cane = ???????? How did you do it?)

15 comments:

Sarah Beau Bera said...

But imagine how much weirder your neighbor will feel when he walks into and your children masked in the invisibility cloak. I for one hope you never EVER disappear.

Becky said...

I'm reading your post and my first response was I've got to send thi link to my daughter. For some reason - they started calling my cane Rodney (hold to the rod). I remember when my mobility trainer said we would be doing training at my grocery store - I'm like uh, I know people there! As you said - a few days ago i wasn't using the cane. It is such a roller coaster of emotions and reading your post brings it back (that's okay!). Can I just say I am cheering you on and love you! It is crazy, challenging and somehow a feeling of relief all at the same time to start using the cane. Your kids will get used to it -- Mine were actually about the same age when I did (a little older 7 & 5).

Natalie | The Bobby Pin said...

Hi, I'm Becky's daughter -- I totally forgot we called the cane Rodney. Funny thing is, I mostly remember telling my mom to use it more.

(sidenote about my mom -- we *still* tell her to use it more when Cricket can't come somewhere. So maybe it is just one of those things that's hard to get used to?)

Best of luck -- and I promise you that your kids will get used to it. And it is awesome to have a light saber to play with too.

The Wizzle said...

The kids will get used to it. They will. And if you want someone to not feel awkward, I've been dying for some company this week!

monika said...

I am proud of you.

Mom said...

I'm proud of you too, Renee. Remember when you first got your glasses and you had to get use to them.(You ran into the corner of the counter and you had to stitches, remember). Well, keep using the cane. But keep it away from Harrison. It can be a dangerous weapon in the hands of a 2 yr old boy. I love you.
Mom

Sheri_Beri said...

I've had a chance to check out your blog and have been catching up some... Renee, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I love hearing your take on things...

PS, did you understand your chinese response to the other post and about the pyramid scheme???? LOL

Anonymous said...

I'm proud of you Renee. I'm sure it's hard, but you have a great sense of humor about things. That's what always gets me through when I'm struggling with something. - heather

Anonymous said...

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mrsmouthy said...

I'm just imagining what I would be thinking if I saw a mom I didn't know show up to school sporting a cane one day, and knowing me I'd probably think, "DAMN IT I'm always the LAST ONE to find out about these fashion trends!" So I'd go out to CaneMart and get me one and use it the next day, and then that same mom would come pushing a stroller instead of using a cane and I'd be all, "DAMN IT!"

Mr. Mouthy said...

Perhaps if you named him Ringo he wouldn't be hitting Lennon with your cane. Ringo never excelled at hitting things...

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Elizabeth said...

I'm new to your blog through your comment over at BHJ -- I look forward to reading your posts. And although I know nothing about you or what you're writing about, I'm wondering whether you've ever read the blog Planet of the Blind, written by a brilliant professor of poetry somewhere in Iowa, I think. Perhaps I'm being presumptuous, but I have a feeling you would like it: here's the address: http://www.planet-of-the-blind.com

amber and alma said...

Renee- you're amazing. There I said it. Whether you wanted to hear it or not, whether there will be shin-kicking now or not. Come to think of it, now that you have a cane, you can do much more damage than just kicking the shin out of someone. No, I stand by my statement-- you are amazing. I hope the cane continues to help you feel independent and awesome, and if you want to add festive to that list we can decorate the crap out of that cane.

Anonymous said...

you should have titled this entry as "Cane and ABLE"... har har