First, I did it when I was pressed for time. I had to pick Lennon up from school, when I was running a couple of minutes late. Not terribly late. Just not with a lot of extra time.
Also, I had Harrison with me. My thought was, "Well, I'm going to need to take him with me every other time. I might as well make this something we get used to." I managed to hold his hand most of the trip. For some of the way, he walked quietly beside me. And for some of the way he kept wanting to run straight into the street, and kicked and screamed when I made him stay on the sidewalk. Grace is not going to be one of our strong points.
When I got closer to school, I started to feel self-conscious. People saw me only a week ago, NOT using a cane. This was going to be weird for them. Yes, I was concerned for the emotional state of the people who saw me. "My god, how terrible, I wonder what happened?" "How is she going to know where to turn? Should I honk? I should honk." "Her poor kids."
The reality is, they probably didn't think twice about it. But they'll probably think three times if they see me today, pushing a stroller, sans cane. I'm a little too concerned about this.
I got to the school pickup location and Lennon's friend asked her why I had the big stick. Lennon shrugged her shoulders and said "It's her stick" like that's something moms just have. Where's your mom's stick? Doesn't have one? Lame.
We made it home in one piece, but by the last 100 steps, Harrison was holding the cane now (HUGE mistake), and Lennon was having a meltdown about bringing the wrong backpack to school. Also, our neighbor went out of his way to cross the street so he wouldn't have to pass us. It made me feel weird that I made him feel weird.
I cried when we got home. Then I put Harrison in a time out for hitting Lennon with the cane. Then I heard Eric come home, and I just wanted him to hold me.
It's been a tough week, emotionally. I'm considering investing in an invisibility cloak.
(P.S. DEAR BECKY, Kids + Cane = ???????? How did you do it?)