Bachelor Recap, Episode 2, Part 1

You guys, MOST DRAMATIC EPISODE EVRRRRRRR!!!!

First, let's talk about Rozlynn/ScarHo. "I think it would take at least another date to take the next step." She said, as she stripped off her clothes. I love this show. But more on that later.

The first group date of the season is always the most entertaining for me. This is where we find out who has insecurity issues (Christina), who has daddy issues (Gia), and who got left behind to battle her "If Only I Could Get A Lock Of His Hair And A Virgin Goat To Complete The Ceremony" issues. Oh how we love Michelle. The producers hands must get sore from all the high fives they give each other in the editing room when she opens her mouth.

On the group date, Grins McGee took everyone to a photo shoot for InStyle magazine. Let's just pretend that he's not searching for the most photogenic girl in the bunch so they look good together on the covers of Enquirer, Star, and, to make it feel real, People. Rozlynn, the wedding magazine model, pretended she was a step up from Gia, the swimsuit model. Which is a little bit like saying the waitress at the strip club has more morals than the stripper. Um... congratulations?

Rozlynn/ScarHo got the group date rose, by the way. And we got to see how Jake kisses. Which is gross. He does this weird Kiss Kiss GRIN Kiss Kiss GRIN Kiss pattern, that is guaranteed to return with every other contestants he liplocks with (allofthem (minus one, but more on that later)).

Ali got the individual date. They flew an airplane. "LITERALLY on cloud nine." Literally. She was asked to stay. Coooooooooool........ ?? (By the way, I call B.S. on her fear of flying. But that's okay. Whatever. I accept it with the same suspension of belief required to accept that people say, "When the plane took off, I felt our relationship taking off.....I'm flying high today" without irony).

Ah, end of part 1. Give me a moment to recover from all the .....

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT ABOUT CHICAGO!!!! Okay, Chicago performed a private concert. In case you needed ANOTHER reason to love this show.

Oh okay, and then the group date at Six Flags. But that was just another excuse for a "Relationships are made of highs and lows. And Elizabeth was like, "Let's Never Kiss, KTHXBAI."

Okay, Part 2, coming soon, for the MOST DRAMATIC PARTS OMG!!!!!!!