I don't care so much that I'm losing my sight. There are things I will miss seeing, and I have to admit, I prefer The Easy Way in all aspects of life, which blindness does not fall under the category of, but I'm infinitely more annoyed by the PROCESS of losing my sight, than the ACTUALITY of darkness.
I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I'm capable, and blindness is merely a characteristic. It doesn't even have to be an unfortunate characteristic. Blindness could be really cool, if I could just learn how it is that I'm supposed to be dealing with it.
Today I called my designated Center for the Blind. The woman I spoke with was annoyed that I lived outside of the city. She told me to call The State. I told her I did, and they told me to call her. She was really put off by that. I swallowed a lump in my throat and admitted I had nowhere else to turn. She took too long to respond with an unconvincing, "*sigh* Well, that's fine. You can come here."
Oh really, woman? I CAAAAN???? Oh THAAAANK You. I'm so GRAAATEFUL that I can come there, to your oh-so-exclusive establishment, and allow you to counsel me through my most desperate, vulnerable moments of my life. I can't WAIT to get started.
She gave me one time slot, on one day, that I can come for the intake interview. There would be no other times offered or considered. It's not her fault I don't live down the street, childless, and already independent (pssst, hey, isn't the mobility and independence what you're supposed to be helping me out with in the first place?? So assuming I already have it would be... just fun times for you? or what, exactly?).
She isn't making promises. There are no guarantees that she will help me. I really should be going through the state. You know, if I was just not going blind altogether, it would really help her day go a lot easier.
She's not the first person to make me feel like a burden. I know that once I get the assistance I need, this won't be such a problem. I'll be more confident, and I'll know what I need to ask for. Until then, it'd be awesome if the professionals in charge of helping newly blind people cope with the loss of sight would learn patience with the process, and also maybe take their midol.
I've made a decision of my life though. I'm sick of depending on The Systems Already in Place to guide me through this. I'm pretty sure nobody else is going to be feeling the urgency I feel to get my life restarted. So I'm buying a cane. And I'm going to teach myself how to use it. And I'm going to research the hell out of coping with blindness, physically, socially, emotionally, and I am going to be my own Center.
(Feel free to offer your support and encouragement at any time... holy crap what am I doing??)
8 comments:
Ooohhh...I so want that lady's name so I can call and scream at her! How is Queen Creek outside of the city???? Why is she not helpful, since her whole job is supposed to be helping others? AHHH! Nay, I know this has to be hella frustrating, and I'm so sorry you have to even go through this. I think that you're right, and that you'll get the most info by researching tools on your own - but also using these agencies that are set up to help. Don't let one bad experience dissuade you from calling again and seeking those services. Hang in there, and know that your family loves you and will be a safety net of support as you go through this. We may not always know what you need - so you have to tell us, but we're here!
Word. This lady may possibly be quite miserable. And I'm of the mind that independence is the best policy. But we'll keep at 'em. I don't know her job responsibilities, but discounting you right off the bat is not right. You're in Maricopa County so if this is a County program, her "too far" label is lame. Again, maybe she's right. Oh well, then we'll tackle it without them.
Sometimes somethings are just so perfectly put. That is your blog sister.
Thank for sharing the vulnerability.
Big hugs.
That woman is a ho-bag. May I offer my assistance as the grunt-bitch for your Center? I can call and make nasty phone calls to DBs like that woman. And you know that woman is a total psycho martyr about her job telling anyone who will listen how she is single-handedly changing the world.
I loved reading this. You are a beautiful person.
Oh no. I just found your blog so I think I need to recap a bit, but I'm sorry to hear about the problems you had today.
I hope your day turned around. Have a great weekend!
I think it sounded like she was suffering from constipation probably as a result of having a large stick shoved up her ass by the last person that she HAD to Help that was out of boundary. So I don't think that Midol will help. But I think you are on the right path and maybe some day your courageousness and self reliance will get you on Oprah and then you will be loved and adored by the masses. Not that you aren't already.
ooh ooh maybe it wasn't even a large stick but indeed a cane from someone that she helped out as much as she helped you. I'm just saying...
AWESOME for you. It's such a hard thing to allow yourself to do, but maybe the cane is like your midol. :)
When we were going through our stuff with Angelo, I'd meet people who had already been through it, and I was so jealous of them becaues they knew how their story "ended." We had no idea how long our story would last, or how it would be written, or how on earth we would even make it to the end. I think it's a little bit like what you're feeling now. I don't have any advice; just a side-arm hug to tell you I know the middle part sucks.
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