The toilet problem was a matter of a loose screw. He told me if this had been a service call, he would have charged me $90. Good to know, guy. Then he was like, "While I'm here, I'll check your other toilet for you." My room had clothes everywhere, so I said, "No, that's okay, we haven't seen any problems." Then I rethought that, and let him check, and apparently the toilet that I thought was working just fine was missing a screw. So there you go. He showed me how to fix it myself if it happened again. Then he told me, "Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey" and I felt lame.
The cabinet guy with the molding was similarly astounded by my idiocy. He asked me where I needed the replacement molding, and so I showed him the little piece by the pantry that had come loose, and he looked at it, and made a "tsk" noise. Then he told me that it was an easy fix, and being a homeowner now, he would show me what I needed to do if it happened anywhere else. Then he took out an industrial nail gun, and I stopped paying attention, because yeah right.
I'm a little afraid the electrician is going to come in and tell me how plugs work ("These two pokey things go in the two holes, sweetheart... don't worry, you'll get the hang of it."), and then the doorbell guy will be like, "Did you push the button? Because you have to push the button." Both of them will go home and tell their families about the idiot woman who doesn't deserve a home.
Maybe I just won't answer the door.
ETA: Yeah, the electrician came in and told me it was the Push Button, and I'm a loser and an idiot and HELLO, did you not think about the Push Button?? The PUSH BUTTON people. Also, the doorbell chime needed to be replaced. So Legit Reasons To Send Service People To My House Count: 1 for 4.