Thursday, December 11, 2008

More Movies. Whatever.

I can't believe I'm even bothering to continue doing this. Mostly, I think I'm passively proving just how lame my life is. As if there was any real doubt. Whatever. I watched:

Three Wise Guys - it's about three guys who work for a Vegas mobster-type (played by Tom Arnold) (yeah, I said Tom Arnold. And I meant every word of it) and they have to find a woman he thinks might be pregnant with his child, and there are references throughout the movie to the story of Jesus' birth, and I really feel like maybe the people who made it were actually striving for the most sacrilege they could fit into a two hour time span. The pregnant woman falls for one of the Wise Guys, and then ends up having the baby in a barn on Christmas Eve. Whatever.

A Dennis the Menace Christmas - wasn't actually all that bad. The kid who played Dennis made that Anakin kid from Episode 1 look like a thespian, but it was kid of cute how much he wanted to help Mr. Wilson have a good Christmas. What really bugged me about the movie was how it turned into A Christmas Carol halfway through. I started to think I was hallucinating, because I couldn't believe how clumsily that story just sort of dropped in there. Whatever.

Holiday Wishes - was, like, the worst writing EVER. Someone got paid to take elements of Freaky Friday and then drop in some nonsense about foster families and finding a lost family member and being a party planner for someone who doesn't spend enough time with their family and having a lost love come back from the dead to help sort out the whole thing and a monkey. All of that was in there, except for the monkey. I thought I was watching a joke about how bad Christmas movies can get. Whatever.

A Garfield Christmas Special - Is that what it's called? i can't remember. Anyway, this is the one you remember watching back in the day, where they go back to John's family's farm and his grandma acts like a cross between Blanche Deveraux and someone terribly boring who talks to a dry-witted (really unfunny) cat about being lonely. The music in this is so, so bad. Whatever.

Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too - made me angry, and I have no idea why. Whatever.

Little Spirit - This was on NBC, and I guess it's new this year. It was weird. A cab driver is telling a story about a kid who moved to New York City and lost his dog, and this tiny gold dragon thingie helps him jump through these portals found in Christmas trees so he can find it. Macy's paid for it, and they were mentioned at least a million times in the story. There was nothing redeeming about this, except that Danny Devito narrated, and I couldn't help but think about the Troll Toll. "You gotta pay the Troll Toll if you want to get into this boy's soul." AH, I love it so so much. I should have just watched that again, instead. Whatever.

Mickey's Christmas Carol - I like this, and I might have a crush on Scrooge McDuck. He's like Sean Connery, if Sean Connery were a duck that didn't wear pants. Whatever.

Olive, the Other Reindeer - It isn't that it's a bad movie, it's just that I can't stand Drew Barrymore's voice. Whatever.

Rudolph's Shiny New Year - which, admittedly, I totally fell asleep about halfway through. Whatever.

I also watched the Christmas episodes of The Office, Little House on the Prairie< The Wonder Pets (Save the Nutcracker), Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Little Einstein's, House (two different seasons), and My Friends Tigger and Pooh.

I see no signs of stopping.


Katy said...

are you renting these movies, or are these gems just on regular ol' tv? You're really watching a LOT of Christmas movies. I think you may be developing a problem...

Renee said...

They are jus the movies that get recorded on my Tivo.

I think it's really only going to be a problem if I start believing the hype these movies are trying to sell me. And if that's the case, I'm sure a Christmas miracle will cure any permanent mental damage. As long as there's a wishing star or a homeless angel Santa nearby willing to bring a girl back to reality.