About a year ago (or so), I signed up for AC Nielsen Homescan (not providing a link. You'll thank me). I'm not sure how to describe it without using the words Big Brother and Waste of Time. To put it nicely, I scan everything I bring into the home, which gets sent to AC Nielsen, and they use the information (selling it to the companies who care about that sort of thing) to track how Americans spend their money. In exchange, I get reward points, that I can use to purchase items from their catalog of gifts.
After spending way too much time scanning crap with the half-assedness that I do pretty much everything in life, I've decided I'm kind of sick of it. So I'm cashing in my 23,000 points and getting the heck outta Dodge.
Let's look through the catalog, shall we? We shall:
Ooooh, it's like a Serene Trophy Fountain, and every time you listen to the trickling water delicately flowing over the bronzed leaves, your mind can go to the place that delicately whispers, "You Have Wasted Your Time Helping Companies Who Couldn't Care Less About You...whoooosshh"
I just mention this Popcorn Popper because I really want one, and don't have enough points for it right now. Merry Christmas to me? Anyone?
Dooney & Bourke stuff. For people who get excited about wasting 167,000 points (roughly 4 years of scanning) on something they could be wasting hundreds of dollars on instead. Does it make it a Fashion Don't if you admit you acquired it by spending hours and hours of time scanning bags of Cheetos, Diet Coke, and economy-sized packages of toilet paper?
Okay, I'll admit, this is one of the Gift Baits that made me think this whole thing might be worthwhile, and I fell for it. Hard. Little did I know, it would take about five straight years of Heavy-Duty Scanning to earn it. In which time, this gift would probably become laughably obsolete (see 8-Tracks).
I feel so so sad for the person working towards the goal of "Accent Table" because as soon as they earn it and get it into their home, they're going to realize they are just going to have to do it all over again to get one for the other side of the couch. Also, I'm sad because their goal is "Accent Table".
Only 8,000 points. Not a bad option, really. Right now, I could afford three basketballs. That's just enough basketballs to throw at, and maybe even mildly injure, the Homescan representative who talked me into this thing.
As if I really spent 10 minutes a week for 70 weeks so THE BIRDS could be happy?
I think we'll decide to go with this one. A $25 toy that cost me a year and a half of time and energy. Whatever. When my kid becomes a sports superstar, I'll feel it was all worth it.
If you're interested in signing up to become a Homescan family, drop me a line. I'll make sure the reality-inducing slap in the face is swift and effective.