Tuesday, March 19, 2013

3 Legitimate Fears

This is #2 of the 30 Things series that I now realize I should have introduced a little better.  Organization is never going to be my strength.  This is for you, Lennon and Harrison.  I want you to stumble across these posts someday when you google your own name.  I hope you find out a little more about what makes your mom tick, and I hope it offers more insight about who you two are.

So #2 is where I'm supposed to tell you 3 legitimate fears I have, and how they became fears.  One thing I want you to understand about fears is that they are a totally normally part of being a human being.  You can't avoid them, everybody has something they fear, and you should never apologize for your fears.  Your fears are very real to you, and if you hide them, they will never get easier to deal with.  Your personal fears are part of what make you, you.  And not all fears need to be faced.  I hope that if you're afraid of fire, you don't feel some need to walk into a burning building to overcome that.   But you can always remember that your fears can't control you, and they should never keep you from doing something that would make you happy.  I also don't want you to use them as an excuse to avoid doing things that are hard for you.  Doing hard things, in the face of fear, is what will make you a stronger person.

1.  I'm legitimately afraid of ghosts.  I don't know how this fear started, but I know it was perpetuated by all the horror movies I know better than to watch when I'm feeling brave.  As I get older, I become less afraid, because experience has shown me that even in really spooky places where ghosts are most likely to make themselves known, I've still never encountered one.  I just really don't ever want to.  I'm pretty sure if I ever saw a ghost, I would die of a heart attack, and that's just not how I want to die.  If I DO die of a heart attack (which is likely, since that's how most of my ancestors died), just know that it was because of ghosts.  And I've decided that if ghosts are real, I want to be one, and I'm going to haunt you two.  But in a loving way.  Nothing spooky, except for on some Halloweens when I'm bored, and maybe also when you're doing something you shouldn't, like sneaking out of the house, or making out with someone you just met.

2.  I'm afraid of being totally blind.  I don't know what it will be like, not being able to see anything ever again.  I'm afraid it will make me feel claustrophobic.  Even thought this scares me, I'm also fairly sure I'll be fine when it happens, because I'll have no other choice but to be fine.  That's how most fears go.

3.  I'm afraid that something will happen to you two, and I will be helpless to make it unhappen.  I just always want you to be safe, and healthy, and happy.  I don't really know how to get over this fear.  I'm pretty sure it will be around until the day I die.  Maybe even after.  I guess that's another reason I'll want to haunt you.  If anything is going to scare you, I guess I want it to be me.

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