Monday, May 17, 2010

"I'll Be Waving As You Drive Away, So You Better Not Be Flipping Me Off"

So who here is starting up blind school tomorrow? Anyone? Anyone? Why is everyone looking at me*?

OH! Because it's ME! I'm going to blind school tomorrow. I feel like Mary did when Pa dropped her off in Mankato in the Little House classic episode "I'll Be Waving As You Drive Away." TEARJERKER! Eric should totally be freaking out, because there's at least one blind guy named Adam where I'm going. Just joking Eric. I just think adultery humor is hilarious. When I'm saying it. Not when you do. Just so you know.

It's been so stressful trying to get in, but chances are good that if you ever go blind, the same would not be true for you. I just happen to have the most unhelpful VR counselor ever to walk the State. She likes me to do everything myself. Look for daycare, set up transportation, balance the state budget... I got zero counseling or assistance on these issues, which is funny, because that's kind of like ALL she has to do in her job. But when I do try to do this stuff for myself, and I set everything up, and I offer choices, and I try to make difficult decisions, she gives me reasons why I'm doing it all wrong, and then she turns a fan on my house of cards and I end up spending $80 a week telling my therapist all about it, only to hear him say "Why is this woman so miserable??" In other words, I feel like this might be $80 spent on the wrong person.

But despite her efforts to bring me down and many attempts on her part to disqualify me from State services, I have succeeded in starting my time at the school of my choice. This is where I break the white cane over my knee and yell a primal scream and pump my fists in the air like Rocky. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor, optional.

I win.

Now Dinosaur must face his biggest challenge: No, not bedtime. The challenge is Me. My own Issues about going blind, and the personal challenges I will have to overcome. (Bedtime? What a stupid answer. You're so stupid.) (Click the link. It's my favorite kid's book ever. Harrison's too.)

I don't want to wake up at 5. I don't want to miss my kids. I don't want to wear a blindfold all day, or develop braille callouses, or face my inevitable blindness. That part sucks. I'm driven now, because of how hard it was to get here, and because of what this will mean for my future and for my family, but oh man, it sucks in a lot of ways.

Not as much as it sucked for Mary, mind you. But nothing sucks as much as ANYTHING Mary goes through. Little House, thank you for giving me Mary. Even if she does claim that Paradise Lost is one of her favorite books, and I therefore find anything she says to be uncredible.

So anyway, my life ain't as bad as Mary's. For which I'm grateful. But I will still be a busy, tired, maybe irritable person for the next nine months. The best part is? You get to read all about it. And that's why we're blogging friends.

Wish me luck.

*I assume.


Cath said...

Good luck!! I loved your little house references.

Renee said...

Cathy, I think of Francis girls and VanAusdal girls when I make them. I know you guys "get it"

Becky said...

I am SO cheering you on and can relate to so much of what you are saying ... it is worth it! If you ever want to chat more -- let me know. My kids were a little older 9 and 7 (I think if I do the math right!).

diane said...

Nine months. That is always an interesting length of time. Are you going to be one of those girls that mysteriously "disappears" for 9 months? Is it because of Adam?
Okay, totally off track and inappropriate. I am glad for you to be taking this step. I am excited to hear more about it.

The Wizzle said...

You go girl. I hope this is an amazing learning, growing time for you.

Joan said...

When I was little I always wanted to be able to read braille. You're so lucky!

Jillsywillsy said...

good luck Renee. You are my hero.

Anonymous said...

Good luck, friend!

Mom said...

It's only until Christmas or so Renee. Before you know it, you'll be done. You can do it!

Sarah Beau Bera said...

Um Diane's comment made me lol @ my desk.

Good luck Renee.

Anonymous said...

I searched some quotes from Mary to guide you in your next 9 months. Here's the best I got:

Laura: You know something, Mary...?
Mary Ingalls Kendall: No, what?
Laura: Life sure is a lot easier when you don't like boys!

(Sorry--she was really more of a supporting actress.)

Anonymous said...

I assume it is superfluous to ask for permission to read blog.

I have not watched or read Little House on the prairie other than briefly clicking on the youtube link. So the reference is lost on me.

It certainly sucks that you have to go through this. But I can see that you are no quitter :-). So instinct tells me that you'll get through this fine. Good luck!

That dinosaur sure seems like a winner ;-), if bedtime is his biggest problem. based on how you see it....