Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"I totally feel way better"

...said the lady who just wants you to come to Report Night this weekend, and not question this incessant coughing and sniffling.

No, but I do feel like I'm not so contagious anymore. Like, maybe I'll cough a lot, but I probably won't cough on YOU, and even if I do, you'll just get mucus and saliva all over you, not any real germs. I'll wear a surgical mask if it makes you feel any better. And to sweeten the deal, I'll also take a lot of vitamin C between now and then.

(Do I know how to write an invitation, or what?)

I'm really trying to get better before Thursday, anyway, because that's the day of Lennon's first school field trip. I am signed up to help out.

Can we talk about that for a minute?

Because I'm now That One Parent Who Carries The Cane, and I don't know if other parents feel weird about letting me be in charge of their kid, because I haven't talked to many of them about how much sight I have left, and I guess I just think they have a right to feel concern that a blind lady is going to be in control of not losing their kindergardener. A really big part of me wants to send out an invitation to talk openly about The Cane. As long as I don't mention mucus, I think a lot of parents would take me up on it. Wouldn't you want to know what was going on, and why the blind lady's name is on the list of parents whose responsibility rests solely on not losing kids? Because I'd want to know. But I'm also incredibly nosy and a total worrier.

Maybe most people figure that if I can get my kid to and from school each day while wrangling a toddler, I've probably got that How To Keep Track of Kids thing figured out. I guess that's a logical assumption to make. I don't judge them for NOT being all crazy unsettled about it. I mostly just want to explain why I don't feel like letting go of an opportunity to share my kid's first real field trip, when I know I'd be able to handle the responsibility that comes with it. Even if it does make little question marks pop up over other parents' heads.

I wish everybody just read blogs. My blog, in particular. I can explain things better here. And I want people to know what I'm capable of, so that I can stop questioning myself.

[*record needle scratches*

Hold up. Wow. I might need to ponder that statement for a while. My self-confidence is so dependent on other peoples' validation that I have a hard time doing something if other people don't know that I can do it?? Yikes. That's a scary realization. My psychologist and I will have a lot to talk about on Wednesday.]

In the meantime, I guess it's in my best interest to just get on the school bus with the other parents who have signed up to carry lunch boxes and keep the kids out of trouble, and do my best to help everyone have fun. I really wouldn't do it if I didn't know that I could.

Still, if you have a kid in Lennon's class, and you want to ask me how many fingers you're holding up before you let your kid in my group, I promise not to get offended, and I will do my best to reassure you.

Also, if your kid comes home with mucus in his hair, don't worry. It's probably not contagious. The lady in the surgical mask with the white cane totally feels way better.


diane said...

Thanks for the imagery. "The lady in the surgical mask with the white cane" has me picturing you as a cross between Michael Jackson and Val Kilmer from that one movie. Which is weird cos your not a dude. And I know you so I already know what you look like. Hmm.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Now that's a picture... Have a great time.

amber and alma said...

Hope you had fun on the field trip. Oh, and no one can complain about you coughing up mucous on their kids-- kids are just walking petri dishes, and as far as I am concerned they'll get you if you don't get them first.
(is that a terrible thing for a nurse to say?)