Unfortunately, I hit a snag in my plans, finding out that The Bachelor was going to be Jake. That Jake. The one from last season who confronted Jillian after he was booted (not to be confused with being "bouted" which is probably something Canadians do) just to get some extra screen time. This guy really rubs me the wrong way. It's not just his Aryan Nation looks, or his bland personality. It's more like, anyone who calls themselves too perfect to find true love should be run over by a garbage truck.
Anyway, the point is, I can't do it guys. I can't subject myself to this guy week after week. Even if he does throw a lamp and say, "THAT'S IT, I'M OUT OF HERE" after the most dramatic season EVAH and even if he does find his co-pilot among the harem of desperate Barbie dolls and even if we do get to watch him fly a plane and reenact that one part from Look Who's Talking and even if there's a hot tub scene that cuts to an exploding volcano. EVEN THEN.
Oh who am I kidding? They had me at "Wings of Love."