Yeah, I told you I'm crazy.
Like, good things can't just happen to me. The universe must be prepping me to die. That is the only acceptable excuse for not having anyone actively hating me right now, or for not having loose ends with my family, or for people thinking I'm a positive addition to their lives. It's so that I can have a funeral where people actually come. People like me, because I am going to die.
This is so sick. And yet, I'm not even close to being done with the Crazy part yet.
Because a couple of days ago, my friend Katy did a spotlight on me on her blog, and you know what it felt like? It felt like I was writing my own eulogy. No really. It did. And when she asked me to send her pictures of myself she could post on her blog, it felt a little bit like I was looking through all my pictures for ones that would someday also go in the Slideshow of My Life. You know, the one that's set to Here Comes the Sun or In My Life, and it ends with my name is white letters on a black screen, with two dates underneath it in slightly smaller font, and it makes my mom cry?
Shuddering right now. At my craziness. I am afraid of how wrong this is.
This is maybe the certifiable kind of crazy, right? The kind where people scoot over a little if you sit too close to them on the bus?
I think it MUST be okay that people could like me, and it wouldn't HAVE to be just because the Universe thinks it would be nice to fill the back row pews. I'm a likable person.
Things that make me likable:
-I can laugh at myself
-I make other people laugh
-I have a lot of empathy
-I care about the earth and the plants, animals, and people who live on it
-I face the toilet paper the right way
-I'm a good mom to my kids
-I help others when I see they need it
Yeah, I feel like if I continue with this list, I will only be giving you people material for my memorial. Also, talking too much about how awesome I am makes me feel kind of icky.
So okay, this blog post will go down in my history as the weirdest thing I've told the general public about myself. And also maybe the dumbest thing I've ever said. But I'm going to post it anyway, because that's the kind of thing I do.
And also it might make some people think less of me, which, at this point, could be exactly what I need.