I wrote this: "Check back with me on Monday. I might talk about Toddler beauty pageants, or Vice Presidents, or moms who don't know that their daughters understand Spanish so they think they can talk about them on the phone and say things about how their daughters are lazy, or my thoughts on Prop 102, or project runway unfairness, or that cute baby deer that died, or baby showers."
And I don't want to write about any of these things.
So, because I hate myself, I'm going to write about all of them.
Toddler beauty pageants: Those fake teeth they use are called flippers. I know this because I watch everything I can about toddler beauty pageants. I know all about Pro Am, and the appropriate length of skirt. I know how to make my daughter's eyes look glassier. I know when to remove the curlers. I know what the judges are looking for, and what they're not (I'm looking at you Aja, from the TLC doc From Toddlers to Tiaras). In fact, I could probably put Lennon in a pageant and win the Ultimate Grand Supreme Crown. My obsession with the creepiness has turned me into an expert. Which begs the question: could I also coach midget wrestling? Let's hope that never comes up.
Vice Presidents: I once took a test that told me I was a libertarian. Palin and Biden pretty much confirmed that for me.
Mom...blah blah blah Spanish blah lazy: I didn't want to type that whole sentence out again, so maybe she has a point. Exhibit B: She had no clue I took four years of college-level Spanish. Was I too lazy to tell her, or do we just have bad communication? The real question is, as long as she thinks I'm a lazy whitey, and she just accepts that the house will be a mess when she gets home, why mess up a good thing?
Prop 102: I want to admit something, but I'm REALLY ashamed of myself, so I kind of DON'T want to admit it. But I will. Because admitting I was wrong is something I want people to attribute to my character. Okay, here goes: I once voted n favor of the YesForMarriage prop, *deep breath, anticipating the reactions from both sides*
I'm going to explain. I thought that, because I belonged to a church that upheld marriage as a holy union, it was my responsibility to "protect" it. You guys, I say this in the way Abraham Lincoln probably said, "Oh holy crap, I used to own people too." I feel pretty sick about it. I look around my neighborhood at all the Yes on 102 signs, and I want to tell them that their marriage is no less sacred because two men or two women who love each other also want the same rights to be viewed as legally married. Not long ago, I thought what the sign bearers thought: Not that gays don't "deserve" marriage, but that my Church was asking me to vote a certain way, and I was, as a faithful member, going to follow. Since that vote, I have felt ILL about my choice. I know that my Church is not Out To Hurt Gays, and that the call to protect marriage is based on the Belief that God has clearly defined marriage in his Church as between a man and a woman. But here's the thing guys... it's one thing to define marriage within your own religion, but it's QUITE another to define it for a whole state or nation.
I don't believe that government should be making decisions based on religious beliefs. And so my vote will reflect that in this election. I apologize to those whose lives were affected by my vote two years ago, and I hope you understand and forgive me for my mistake. If a vote comes up that says members of my church shouldn't be allowed in town anymore, I don't blame you if you vote in favor to prove a point. I'll pack my wagon and be on my way.
project runway unfairness: kenley sucks
the baby deer: sad
baby showers: didn't use to be fun, but this weekend was different. Thanks for the good conversation and for keeping clothespin out of it.